Simon Harris - Nobody’s Taoiseach
A counter-history of his ascension
By Seán Walsh, Rupture Web Editor
Somehow, Simon Harris will be Ireland’s next Taoiseach. While Varadkar may have offered an open attachment to an extreme ideological position unlike anything before him, Harris offers some things that are equally novel but very different. Harris represents the product of Leo Varadkar’s Fine Gael (the crises of housing, health and cost of living), that being a generation of entitled posh boys, to whom the world is owed, elected to a position they hold no qualification for, and who’s greatest achievement is the avoidance of facing up to a real days work once in their lives. Here’s to Simon Harris, Ireland’s answer to ‘What would happen if you took Rishi Sunak’s likeability, mixed it in with Liz Truss’s nous and Leo Varadkar’s politics?’.
Falling up the stairs of Dáil Éireann
Simon’s origin story is rather cut and paste, where he dropped out of a course in media studies to pursue a career in politics, running for council in Wicklow in a safe seat, before being selected to sit on the back benches during Enda Kenny’s landslide electoral victory after Brian Cowan’s Fianna Fáil. Simon would trip and stumble his way upwards through a role as a Minister of State, before being handed the role of Minister for Health, replacing Varadkar who had better work to do kicking down at those on social welfare with his controversial ‘Welfare Cheats Cheat Us All’ campaign. This campaign, which actually cost the tax-payer far more than it ever made back from alleged fraud, would give Leo the confidence to run for leader when Enda Kenny decided to step down.
Simon’s position in Leo’s shadow is well known, and Leo’s own ascension to Blueshirt-in-chief seems forgotten today. As a quick reminder, Simon Coveney and Leo Varadkar had a one vs one run-off to replace Enda Kenny, with Coveney seen by many as favourite. Coveney received almost twice as many votes as Leo Varadkar (over 7000 to just under 4000), but due to the ‘electoral college’ system used by Fine Gael, the only votes that really mattered were those cast by members of the parliamentary party.
By this time, Simon had settled himself nicely into his role as Minister for Health, with his threats to financially sanction nurses who went on strike enough to see Varadkar re-appoint him to the role. He would go on to do his pal proud, as he oversaw and stood over the government’s cruel response to the cervical check scandal, as well as the rising costs of the new Children’s Hospital, before a no confidence motion in Simon resulted in the collapse of the government.
During the next phase of Varadkar’s leadership, he would cull and reduce the influence of many Fine Gael representatives who had shown support for Coveney, most famously de-selecting Kate O’Connell ahead of the Dublin Bay-South by-election. Varadkar chose another of his loyalists, James Geoghegan, to stand in her place and take a humiliating loss to now Labour leader Ivana Bacik. This example spoke to the ruthlessness which Varadkar imposed on those who dissented, but he always knew he had Simon on side, or at least, knew better than to cross him, given Harris’ close relationship with the press… allegedly.
And thus we end up with a Fine Gael party at odds with itself. Plenty of ‘just happy to be there’ backbenchers who toe the line, and very little in the way of meaningful opposition or dissent. Any potential heave from Coveney was gutted by the fact that Varadkar had made all of his supporters persona non grata within the party. Is it any wonder that there has been no meaningful contest to replace Leo, with the consensus being ‘I guess we’ll let Simon do it’?
When the 2021 cabinet was formed, Harris was prioritised for a senior ministry, with the office of ‘Further and Higher Education’ invented for him to once more fail upwardly in. His own department commissioned a report on the conditions for PhD researchers in Ireland, which highlighted the state-sanctioned poverty they lived in, the fact that non-EU researchers’ spouses were unable to work, the impact of the housing crisis and the absolute absence of any support for academics with disabilities. The report was weak, but still recommended at a minimum an increase of salary to €25,000 immediately. Simon sanctioned an increase to €22,000 in Budget ‘23, which many PhD researchers have still yet to receive as of April ‘24.
Outside of office
Of a time, Simon Harris seemed to be becoming a darling of the liberals in Ireland. A young man who was pro-repeal when it became politically expedient to be, Simon’s love of PR has brought its own share of controversy throughout his time in office. (A quick hello here to whatever intern or Dáil staffer he has reading this for a media coverage report.) His eerie TikTok presence is the latest development in this branch of his theatrics, as he goes live to answer ALL* your questions (*unless you ask him something difficult like where is my money Simon, I’m a PhD researcher who’s got rent due next week can I please have my increase Simon…). This social media centric approach is likely to ramp up as he ascends to the highest office, something done to minimal success by Rishi Sunak in recent months. Whether you like it or not, you will be seeing a lot of our new TikTok Taoiseach on your ‘For You’ page, as he announces that, unfortunately your dog has died but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make for the greater good.
That’s the primary contention your writer really has with the PR project that is Simon Harris, he is hot air personified. He has bumbled and ambled his way to the top, controversy by controversy, falling at every hurdle he has faced, so it is with great solace I welcome the death-knell of the mass party that is Fine Gael with its latest metropolitan leader. A man who, of a time, was used by older members of the party to recruit young women to the party by way of blind-dates in the Dáil bar.
Harris will likely go one of two ways, perhaps he’ll reinvent the party in a ‘hello fellow kids’ way and ape the approach of the Soc Dems or other liberal left parties, seeking to criticise the expected Sinn Féin government for not being kind enough, or sensible enough, or making funny screenshottable faces in the Dáil or on TV that he can then use as a sticker or reaction image. That, or maybe we’ll get the wannabe Minister for Justice that we saw when Helen McEntee was on maternity leave, the one where Harris decried all critics of the Gardaí as ‘people behind desks’.
How Harris reads the room will be as interesting as it is terrifying, as the one benefit of being spineless is that no one knows where your next step will be.